I fell in love with a dead boy
by Funeral Lilies
Summary: Slash, SnapeCedric, oneshot. Snape has been hiding his feelings for Cedric a long time, and as he sees the boy's dead body on the ground outside the labyrinth, he thinks about what might have been...


**I FELL IN LOVE WITH A DEAD BOY**

**Fandom: Harry Potter**

**Rating: PG**

**Pairing: Severus Snape/Cedric Diggory**

**Set: During the final task in GOF**

**Summary: Snape has been hiding his feelings for Cedric Diggory for a long time. When he sees Cedric's dead body on the ground outside the labyrinth, he rushes down there along with Dumbledore and other members of the staff, thinking about what might have been... **

**A/N: This is a fic inspired by the movie GOF and not the book. Snape's POV, slash, oneshot. The title is from a song by Antony & The Johnsons. **

Something isn't right. I see it at once – Potter's crying, he's holding onto Cedric's body as if he'd never want to let go. No fourteen-year-old boy would behave like that unless something really bad has happened, and of course, I know this. I get up, leave my seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dumbledore and McGonagall doing the same. They're worried, as we all are, as I am. But they don't know – they can't know – what it's like seeing him lying there, motionless, his eyes closed. I can watch him as much as I like now. He can never turn away those beautiful eyes from me again.

I remember the first time I noticed that there was something special about him. He was in his fifth year then – a slender youth with a handsome face and a very sweet smile. Of course, all the girls (and some boys too) were crazy about him, he was enormously popular and I would have loathed him, had I not desired him so much. The thing about Cedric was that he wasn't just good-looking, he was always nice, helpful and kind. Again; under normal circumstances, I would have hated him. And it is true – sometimes, I treated him as if I couldn't stand him, and sometimes I wanted to kill him for making me feel all those things that were both stupid and wrong. Cedric was just a boy, and I was his teacher. I tried to stop thinking about him, I did everything I could, but when I closed my eyes at night, I saw his smiling face in front of me, and I wanted to hold him in my arms and kiss him. That was all I ever wanted to do.

The day I fell in love with Cedric, I ended my workday by having a class with the Hufflepuff fifth-years. The potion they were to make was a rather complicated one – naturally, they were fifteen after all – and many failed. Cedric did, too. But what amazed me was, that after the class, he stayed until all his classmates were gone.

"Professor Snape?" he said, looking at me. I sat by my desk, and when I met his eyes, I felt a bit afraid. I realised, at once, what he would do to me.

"Yes, Diggory?" He smiled. I thought, that smiling like that wasn't possible for just anyone – only handsome, kind and honest people could do it. I certainly couldn't.

"There was just... You know, Professor, this potion we made today..."

"In your case, Diggory, _tried _to make. But do go on." He nodded.

"Yes... The thing is, I thought it was very interesting, and I would like to... be able to make it." I raised one eyebrow. This kind of behaviour was what you might expect from certain students, who desperately wanted high marks, but I had never heard a hufflepuff say that he wanted a second try at a special potion. And no student had ever asked me that question without telling me how important that particular potion would be if they didn't want bad marks, as if I didn't know this.

"You want to try again?" He nodded. Was he just acting, fooling me into believing that he honestly liked Potions? I couldn't tell.

"I'm sorry, Diggory, but there won't be any time for that during class. However, if you're so keen, and you believe you can do it, I'm willing to let you try on your own. Come here tomorrow at six, I'll lock up for you and examine your work afterwards." Cedric smiled, as he took his books and went towards the door.

"Thank you, Professor! I'll do my best, I promise!" He left, and I looked after him as if I couldn't believe that he had been there, that I had talked to him. The next day, he came to the dungeon at six o'clock, he made the potion and he made it perfectly.

I watched him lots of times after that. One time, I even thought about going to the Quidditch pitch when I knew the Hufflepuff team was practising – then, I realised how easily a vicious rumour could start flowing, if people saw I was watching him. I never wanted to hurt Cedric, but how could I possibly tell anyone? How could I let anyone know I had feelings for one of my male students?

There is only one thing I actually regret, now as I rush towards his body, towards him and Potter and all this tragedy that screams in my ears. It is, that I never kissed him. I could have. I could have kissed Cedric, but now I will never know what his lips would have tasted like, or how wonderful it would have felt when he put his tongue in my mouth for the first time. Of course, if it had happened, it wouldn't have been that way. But I still hope beyond hope, and I still wonder.

I crossed the line just once, when it comes to Cedric. Once, I gave him detention even though he hadn't done anything, and I did it because I wanted to look at him, because I wanted to talk to him in private. The night before, I had had this dream, in which Cedric came up to me in a corridor crowded with people, and I took him in my arms, and he kissed me almost violently. That was what I kept thinking about, and somehow, that was why I gave him detention.

Of course, he wasn't very happy with it. He wasn't the kind of student who would argue about such things, but he gave me quite a dark look as he sat down in front of my desk, and for a moment, I thought about letting him go. Then, I closed the door with a simple, silent spell, and faced him.

"So, Diggory," I said, "what I want you to do is write new labels for some of the bottles containing potion ingredients – the old ones are hardly readable anymore. The bottles and all other things you might need, are in the back of the room." Cedric nodded, then sat down by the table were the bottles had been lined up. More bottles stood on the floor, and I saw the look on Cedric's face as he spotted them. He started working immediately, and I sat by my desk, writing, marking papers, watching him as often as I dared to.

When one hour had passed, I went down to him to see how he was doing. The labels were written correctly, and I was glad he had such a beautiful handwriting.

"Excellent," I said, knowing I was exaggerating. He continued working, didn't look at me. I watched as he wrote – then, unable to stop myself, I touched his hair, caressed it. I knew I shouldn't have, and Cedric looked up at me. However, the look on his face told me that he would not tell anyone what he now knew about me, and he would not hate me for it. His eyes were sad, and I thought about kissing him, before I realised that if I did something like that, I would just take advantage of him, of his kindness. I didn't want to do that.

"You've done very well," I said as I returned to my desk. "Write ten more, then you're free to go."

I reach his body. Potter is crying as if somebody has ripped his heart out, and I wish that I too could have cried like that, that I had been the one holding Cedric close to me. Instead, I kneel next to him, and I look at his face, and Dumbledore looks at me.

"Do you think there is anything you could do, Severus?" I want to talk, but Moody takes the words out of my mouth.

"That boy is dead, Dumbledore. Avada Kedavra. There is nothing anyone of us can do."

A cry of pain reaches my ears, and when I lift my eyes, Amos Diggory is hurrying towards us. I know that this is the last time I will ever see Cedric. They're all looking at Amos now – feeling sorry for him, thinking about what to say to comfort him – but I can't take my eyes away from Cedric, and just for a second, I let my fingers stroke his cheek, where the skin is already getting unnaturally white and cold. I look at him, and somehow, right in the middle of all this pain and sorrow, I am overwhelmed by the strange happiness of being in love.


End file.
